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Mafia Gazette Past Issue 43
Tuesday 18th October 'COFFEE VANDAL STRIKES NEWSPAPER PRESS ' In an unprovoked attack today, the Random Coffee Vandal struck the newspaper offices. One of the presses suffered minor damage when the vandal broke into the newspaper offices and proceeded to pour hot coffee into the workings of the press. Fortunately, the press could be fixed fairly quickly, only delaying the newspaper printing by a few hours. There were however some issues with the presses becoming overactive and spewing out copies of the draft newspaper at extreme speed. Mechanics claim that this is due to the caffeine that was injected into the system and the problem should calm down within a few hours. People should be on the look out for a man carrying a large flask of coffee and muttering to himself about caffeine being the new drug of choice for the masses. The as yet unnamed man was said to have been recently released from St MoneyZeb’s after being admitted for a caffeine obsession. Doctors at the centre stated that the man was not overly dangerous, and the worst anyone could expect from him was a cup of hot coffee forced upon them, with minor scald injuries a hazard. When it was pointed out to the doctor that the man had pored coffee into the printing press at the newspaper, he stated, “Oh, he probably thought it looked like it needed one”. 'STREAKER CAUSES MAYHEM IN COFFEE SHOP ' Several people were shocked yesterday by the antics of an over-enthusiastic man as he attempted to liven up the coffee shop and distract the attentions of those having a heated discussion in the corner. The discussion nearly came to blows, however RideTheLightning threw off all his clothes and ran through the coffee shop as naked as the day he was born. There were gasps and giggles from some of the ladies present, with one woman fainting at the sight of bare flesh dancing between the tables. One wag threw donuts in a twisted game of hoopla as RideTheLightning proudly displayed himself to the clientele. The police were called, but were unable to capture the streaker as he cart wheeled among the currant buns and did headstands on one of the tables. Several people were hospitalised following this incident, most injuries caused by excessive laughter. One old lady was said to have had a stroke. Her companion complained that she couldn’t reach. 'THE PRICE OF A LIFE ' Comment. There have been recent rumours concerning the hitlisting of certain individuals in the community. The full reasons behind the listings are as yet unknown, however two of them appear to be personally motivated. Following on from yesterday’s article about the role of the Citizen in our society, it has come to light that one individual is showing the characteristics which are the main cause of the dissent being shown over this section of our community. Two recent hits came to the attention of the newspaper, both stemming from the same Paymaster. The hits of between $250k and $500k were placed on Rose_Mccaulay and one other. Rose was killed for $250,000 and the other, who has not yet been terminated, has had a sum between that and half a million placed on them. Both of these hits have come from one source: a citizen who now seems to have taken the role of Judge, Jury and paymaster for the executioner, handing out her thirty pieces of silver to any who will kill as she directs. The question remains as to why these two have been targeted and how many more are on this individual’s private hitlist. How many more will suffer the same fate as Rose and be killed because one person who was once so vociferous on our streets and now quiet, demands it. It is believed that both these hits were made from personal motivation, caused by personality clashes with other family members, and we are being left with a situation where citizens such as this one can pay to have anyone they choose removed without so much as getting their hands dirty or having to face any consequence of their actions. Someone of rank and standing in the community being found to kill off members of a Family will have to face some penalty for their actions, but these Citizens can sit smugly back and continue to buy the lives of others as they wish. As a community, who accepts these hits and are the motives questioned? Do the paymasters give reasons or just money? How much would you pay for a life? How much is a hit? How much does it have to be to tempt someone into taking another’s life: Someone they’ve probably never met, know nothing about and might even like in other circumstances? Is it a life, or is it just business? At what point does a hit cease being business and start being personal? Is it personal from the point of view of the person taking out the hit? What price your own life if you are wishing to lead a consequence-free, guilt-free existence, playing God and deciding who shall live and who shall die? Also, if the citizens are playing God, where does that leave our family heads? Our Bosses become puppets, strings pulled by the wealthy, sybarite parasites that leech off the system and order deaths as easily as they order champagne and caviar from their lackeys. Will people learn that the ones who sit back, make all the money and pay a pittance for another’s death are using them? If people give in and take the blood money, then they are the ones left to face the consequences. $250,000 will not buy your liberty or life if the person you kill has friends who want revenge. They will take it out on the lackey, unable to touch the Paymaster, the user, the puppeteer who can sit back and laugh. Is your own life worth so little if you take on these jobs? 'OBITUARIES ' A violence still plagues our city and between the times of 1655 on 17th Oct and 11.47 on the 18th October I am sad to report the following deaths: GANGSTERS - 15 GOOMBAS - 5 STREETBOSSES - 4 and the always forgotten bodyguards have taken a body count of 4. Here lies a mere smidgen of the people whom have fallen in the past day. - Funeral of BlackHeart streetboss Ksif RIP man. Im not done trying to nail soome sense into all of you. itll take time, peace out. Doc_Holiday2 RIP..vaya con dios best boss in the world - Funeral for Mr_raphi streetboss Masonic RIP...you were a good fighter. - Funeral for ExTc streetboss Frank_The_Bunny NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :'( RIP -Funeral for Brutus_Beefcake_Jr streetboss Pure_Scouse RIP matei was just talking to you *lays a black rose at the grave* -Funeral for SmokingBarrels GOOMBA Castano Ouch, RIP man, you were one of the cool guys. TragicEnding RIP. This sucks. One guy around here who truly didn't deserve that -Funeral forRememberedTheRong Aurelius RIP my friend 'WE HEAR THAT… ' Gossip column by: Trixie … Miguel may get intoxicated once in a while, but he’s still the best at a good rant on the streets. … No one paid up so Tie gets another mention in the paper. See if I care that you don’t want to see him cry, although he does beg in a rather spectacular fashion. … A certain person is so poor that the seams on their stockings are drawn on. All donations welcomed for the unfortunate who can’t even draw them on straight. He says he can’t twist properly to get them straight behind the knees and volunteers are needed to give the boy a helping hand. 'NEWSPAPER RECRUITING ' The Mafia Gazette is on the hunt for freelance journalists to join the team. Any who wish to write for the community’s newspaper will be welcomed. The job entails writing articles for the Gazette to be published in the next available issue. Writers should be prepared to submit at least one article every two weeks conforming to the guidelines below. 1. No stories/columns permitted that do not conform to the already established format of the stories. 2. No derogatory or defamatory stories/columns/letters are to be published and no vulgarity or crass language 3. All stories/columns must be confirmed as factual as the research allows. Nothing is to be confirmed/denied unless there is solid proof. 4. The editor in chief reserves the right to alter/amend any articles for content/length and all stories/columns/letters should be submitted to the Editor the day before the day of publishing to ensure proper editing is allowed. 'SUBMISSIONS TO THE NEWSPAPER ' We still accept submissions as long as they conform to the above guidelines. Contributions to your paper have always been welcomed, although the newspaper does not deal with fictional work, like short stories or poetry. Any other news, reviews, points to be raised or just general observations on a situation will be welcomed and collated into the newspaper. People are welcome to write in to the newspaper as well, giving their opinions on any articles that are published. Praise or constructive criticism only for these, as anything that does not conform to the above guidelines will not be printed. Please use your paper and have your voice. Should people wish to submit their own articles for publication, these will be gratefully received. All author’s names will be included with any submissions unless requested otherwise and articles will be paid for or money saved for later collection. 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Anyone wishing to place an ad should send it in to CarmelaDeAngelis at the Gazette Offices in Chicago. All ads are free, but must still fall within the set guidelines. 21:01, January 5, 2013 (UTC)21:01, January 5, 2013 (UTC)21:01, January 5, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 21:01, January 5, 2013 (UTC) Now open in Las Vegas: Beers and Cheers The finest imported liquors, wines, beer, and ale from Sicily and western Europe in a friendly, fun atmosphere. Mention seeing this ad and receive a special gift as well as a free first drink. 21:01, January 5, 2013 (UTC)21:01, January 5, 2013 (UTC)21:01, January 5, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 21:01, January 5, 2013 (UTC) 'Anyone wishing to submit articles should do so by 10am Mafia time on the day of publications. Articles will be paid for on an individual basis. Please contact CarmelaDeAngelis, Editor of The Mafia Gazette, at the Gazette Offices, Chicago. All articles must conform to the guidelines available in the booklet “Newspaper Recruiting” available on the newsstand. ' http://pvp.a.mafia.org/gazette.php?issue=52